Everyone expresses how they love in different ways. Dr. Gary Chapman defines for us 5 different love languages we use to express love to our spouse, children, parents and friends. Though knowing how our loved ones express love and feel loved are an important part of knowing how to convey our love for them. If we don't know their language and how to use their language we struggle with displaying how much we honestly care.
Dr. Chapman goes into detail over each of the love languages to help readers learn their own language and how to express love in their partner's language. He even has a test in the back of the book to help determine what each other's love languages are.
The love languages are Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Service, Physical Touch and Quality Time.
Words of Affirmation:
Words of Affirmation are the words we use to express ourselves as well as the tone that we use when we talk to our loved ones. It could also be words of appreciation. It could be something simple as "I appreciate that you take the garbage out" or "Thank you so much for doing the laundry." If you say those in loving kind tone it conveys love, but if you say it in a sacrastic mean tone it conveys rejection and judgement.
This could be seen as a visual aspect of love. Receiving gifts doesn't mean going out and buying huge presents all the time or even buying anything. A gift could be something so simple as picking flowers out of the garden, or your spouse's favorite candy bar. Often times those who feel loved through the expression of gifts often feel the lack of gifts reflects a lack of love.
Acts of Service:Many times people feel loved through acts of service such as doing the laundry or mowing the lawn. That act can seem so simple, but it could mean the world to the person you love. To someone who loves through acts of service, they see it as you taking time, effort and energy to do something for them. Doing a chore that is humbling can be an expression of love and devotion.
Quality Time:Quality time and quantity time are two different things. It is not how much time you spend with someone its how you spend that time together. Just sitting next to each other is not qaulity time, it needs your focus and attention to be placed on your spouse. Going for a walk and talking can be quality time, an intimate dinner for two, or sitting on the porch in each other's arms is quality time.
Many people think physical touch is sexual, but in the expression of love that is not the case. Physical touch is anything from placing your hand on her should to holding hands, and hugging, and inclduing sexual intercouse. Some people feel most loved when they feel that touch from their loved ones even if it is a brief brush of hands or a hand on the back leading her out the door. A simple touch can go a long way.
Chapman's book helps readers learn what their love language is and how they feel most loved. It also goes into detail about how to learn your spouse's love language and then tips on how ou can express love through their love language. Reading the book together as a couple could be a relationship saver.
I have learned some people have more than one love language. I personally have two love languages. A person can express love in many different ways not simply one. I have learned in myself that I need to hear words of affirmation, physical touch and qualtiy time to feel loved. But when it comes to expressing love, I express it through all five love languages.
I believe if you read it once, you should read it again in a few months just to brush up on the knowledge and help yourself be in tuned with your language and your spouse's language.
Pros: Helpful in learning what your love language is and that of your spouse.
Cons: Heavy in Christian references
Bottom Line: I highly recommend this book to any couple because it helps you strengthen your love for each other.
Rating 5 out of 5 stars